When am I most myself?

It has been my experience that very rarely do people always act the same. I'm not merely talking about how they may act in front of a superior and then towards an inferior. Even more than that, you're with a friend within a group and then everyone else takes off except the two of you, and they're different. When they're with others, they're bombastic, eager to jump into any conversation, but then, when they're just with you, they're more subdued. The change may be more subtly, but one has still occurred. This change used to disgust me. I thought that one must be constant and true to their essential personality. Now, for some reason that I can't quite pinpoint (perhaps a less certain belief in an essential personality), I have decided to consider it further.

For some time, it has seemed to me as though people gravitate towards roles when they're in the group. So often, you can pick out 'the cynical one' or 'the funny one' or whatever. Whether these roles are imposed by the group or chosen by the individual is certainly up for debate, but I believe they exist, to varying degrees of nuance. The important question here is, "Are the roles we take ones that match us?" If they are, that's great, but I have a hard time believing that personality can be so simplified.

Then I look towards the one-on-one. Does our true personailty come out in this situation? I used to think so but doubt it now. I find that I get along with people so much better when it's just the other and I, and believe that is so because we try and please each other. If that's the case, then our true personality isn't really coming out.

You can't really be yourself when you're by yourself either because such a large part of our personality is dependent upon how we interact with others. Possibly this blog here is my true personality, seeing as how it includes both a public and private aspect, but I still censor myself so I'm not wholly open in this case.

So, is there such a thing as a constant, unalterable identity that always exists? I'm thinking no. Certainly not in the long term as we are always changing. I guess I could always fall back on believing in performative identity. I'll think on it some more.