Sunday, May 1

"Open Eyes, Full Heart"

Troy kissed with his eyes open. There were times, like when Charlotte said it was creepy and when Keiko refused to kiss him in the light, that he tried to stop. He closed his eyes but missed things. He liked to watch the lines around her mouth tighten and her eyelids relax. They, like the warmth of her lips, made the kiss special. He couldn't help himself.

Then Troy met Maria. She kept her eyes open, too, and they would watch each other's eyes trace the arc of their cheeks and the figure of their faces and enjoy their majestic being.


I like the arc of this. Character has a peccadillo. Said peccadillo is off putting. Character finds another who finds another who shares and/or appreciates said peccadillo. They find happiness.

What I do not like is the final line. It reads like something of a hallucinatory epiphany more appropriate to Cynthia Ozick or Flannery O'Connor. Not that I have anything against them, especially O'Connor whom I hold in the highest esteem, but it's not for me. "...their majestic being" is too much and doesn't ring true to me.

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